Caveman Jack's Self-cleaning Oven
Article by: David Leonhardt
We live in a self-cleaning oven. Not literally, of course. We would burn up if we did. Those things get really HOT!
In fact, self-cleaning ovens get so hot , Artificial Trees Advantages that they burn orange juice to a crisp. They get so hot , Asbestos in the home that they melt thermometers. The produce enough hot air , Hardwood Floor Architects Information to replace the entire American Senate, the British Parliament and the Canadian PMO put together. Unfortunately, certain trade barriers and constitutional clauses impede the replacement of deadwood political assemblies by modern, efficient self-cleaning ovens.
The self-cleaning oven is part of the "oven" genus of machines. Households , Choosing Roses For Your Landscape these days also boast a microwave oven, a toaster, a toaster oven, a waffle maker, a bread maker, a popcorn cooker, an auto-shut kettle and several other specialty "ovens". The combined hot air , Spring Into Action: Home Maintenance form all these cooking machines could turn any ordinary home , Spring Into Action: Maintenance into an instant Parliament.
Like the self-cleaning oven, everything is automated these days. It makes life so easy. In fact, the machines could almost run the world without us. Almost.
The ovens practically clean themselves. My great, great, great uncle, Caveman Jack, had to clean his oven with a stick. The hardest part was trying to figure out which rock was the oven.
Automated doors , Checklist: Do I Need to Replace My Chimney Cap? at the grocery store open and close even when nobody walks through...except for those few that still function properly.
Lights turn on an off on their own, as long as there is somebody there to applaud, which brings me to question the self-esteem of lighting fixtures.
Lint gets caught in the lint trap. Caveman Jack had to trap his own lint, but then somebody invented the clothes dryer, , Five Ways to Create a Healthy Home and people have not had to hunt for lint ever since.
Planes fly on autopilot these days. Gone are the days when Caveman Jack had to pedal over a cliff to take flight. Now pilots can sit back, sip a drink and snooze while airplanes fly themselves. Word is that Al Qaeda has developed a self-hijacking plane, but they can't seem to develop a customer base.
Television remote controls, officially called "doodadders", have made legs virtually redundant, except for bathroom , How to Care for your Fresh Cut Flower Arrangement breaks. In Caveman Jack's days, they had to get up off their rocks to change , Types Of Vines For Landscaping Your Home the channels. If Caveman Jack had had a doodadder, he might still be sitting on his rock praying that somebody will soon invent a bathroom. , 7 Easy Steps To Attract More Birds To Your Yard
To be frank, I think the Office of Modern Conveniences has misguided priorities. My oven doesn't need cleaning all that badly. But my office does. And so does my kitchen. , How to Clone Your Plants with Success And my laundry room. , Higher Home Appraisal Values And my bathroom. , Choosing the Right Garden Furniture Why doesn't somebody invent a self cleaning bathroom?
Oops. I forgot. Somebody did invent a self-cleaning bathroom. , Spring Into Action: Home Maintenance On our honeymoon in Rome, we used the bathroom , Liven Up Your Walls With Decorative Plates in a Roman Metro station. As soon as we left the bathroom , REMOVING OLD ALUMINUM WINDOWS the automatic door , The History of Vacuum Cleaner Bags shut and the bathroom , Checklist: Do I Need to Replace My Chimney Cap? was rinsed from sprinklers all around.
Did I mention that Caveman Jack was a sugar sculptor? He carved lovely sculptures of rocks out of sugar. What if one day, while riding the Roman Metro to a sugar sculpture showing, Caveman Jack suddenly had to rush to the washroom?
Leaving the washroom, he remembers his prize sculpture entitled "Rock" sitting on the bathroom floor. , REPLACING YOUR OLD WOOD DOUBLE HUNG WINDOWS Too late. The automatic doors , Higher Home Appraisal Values close. The water , Get Candle Wax Out Of Carpet flushes the bathroom , Advice about the latest assistance in relation to glass blow clean.
Later that day at the sugar sculpture exhibit, everyone gathers 'round and marvels at the latest offering by Caveman Jack: "Little Rock".
Caveman Jack is probably happy that he doesn't have a self-cleaning oven. Too much convenience is not always good for the soul. Besides, there's nothing like an open fire , How to Care for your Fresh Cut Flower Arrangement to cook a juicy mammoth steak.
Saaaay...how about a self-cleaning fire , Monthly Gardening Reminders pit?
David Leonhardt is a freelance writer: He is author of:
Inspiration & Motivation To Go:
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and Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness:
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